Moonfall was the first film I watched in 2022 eligible for my new overall year ranking list and for a few days prior to viewing the masterful Jackass Forever, Moonfall was indeed at the very top of that list of one. It is now a list of two and Moonfall is at no.2. I have a rather strong and deep feeling that as the year goes by Moonfall will only continue to remain at the bottom of the list, for it truly was one of the most boring and dull movies I’ve seen that features destruction on a planetary level. As my friend David commented when we saw the trailer together before Scream; “this is far too close to Don’t Look Up for me to take even remotely seriously”. Now Moonfall isn’t entirely self-serious, however it is nowhere near knowing enough or good enough for it to be anywhere near vaguely enjoyable or entertaining.
This may very well end up being my shortest review I ever write for I don’t know what there is to say. It was so painfully boring and dull with every single set piece going on for an ungodly amount of time that it never justified with no pacing or tension in the slightest. The film was 2 hours and 10 minutes for God’s sake and it couldn’t justify any of its length. The fact that the actors all did their best came off as upsetting more than anything. The entire film was just so painfully bland and dull, and I again I must reiterate this is a movie where the moon nearly destroys the Earth. Product placement is blatant and plot orientated and just is completely cringey, rather than shameful. Everybody has to make their money somehow and I don’t really have an issue with product placement, but when it’s forced into the plotting of the film, one can’t help but cringe into their seat like no man’s business. It’s all just so painfully boring though. Emmerich’s direction is un-interesting and far too frantic, attempting repeatedly to make the truly quite terrible CGI look good at all, which is almost an impossible task we find out. The CGI is glossy and fake and their is never any weight or tension. You know what, I give up. This review is through, it’s not even a bad film where it’s interesting to talk about. It’s just not captivating or interesting in any way. A bland and dull affair. And again! This is a movie where we find out the moon is a spaceship station, and it’s still boring. A complete waste of money and everyone’s time. Don’t make it a waste of yours.
A 2/10 that leads one to ask the question; how can a film where the moon crashes into Earth be boring . I honestly think that’s it. That’s the summary. I don’t know what else to say.
P.S. Somebody get Patrick Wilson in a really solid thriller soon, Halle Berry can let this film slide with the creative joy of starring and directing in her own film this year in addition to this moon farce, however Wilson doesn’t have that release. Get him a really good dramatic thriller soon. Give the man a break from being the best part of bad movies.
- - Thomas Carruthers
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